The line "...accept the things I cannot change..." has been a BIG challenge for me. I've had less than a year to 'accept' my dad's condition...we tried, but we cannot change it. He has 2 cancers...his tumor is growing back...he is in severe pain...he IS going to die. .
The line "...the courage to change the things I can..." can be equally challenging. I'm digging deep inside me to understand that altho I cannot 'change' his longevity of life...I can change how he spends the next few days, weeks or months of his life! I CAN be there...I can visit and make him laugh...I can say that every day he is alive and alert/active, it's a blessing!!!
What I am finding the most difficult is understanding WHY?! I know we all live our life, KNOWING one day we will die. We generally don't know when or how. We hope and pray we live a long, healthy life, and die of old age...in our sleep! The downfall to dying suddenly is that you don't get to say goodbye to loved ones. But for many, they DO know when, and how they will die. It's a painful realization knowing you only have a few days/months left to be with loved ones, but the good side (if that's even possible) is that you have time to say goodbye!
I have accepted my dad's fate. I don't like it and I cry everyday. I knew once he was done chemo, that the tumor would grow fast...I just didn't realize HOW fast. He is on pain meds to deal with the back and belly pain, which is SO severe. I accept he is dying...but I cannot accept watching him suffer!!! He has been thru SO much the past year--w/ every step forward, we took 3 steps back! I dread the fact that this is our last Thanksgiving with him...and my heart breaks for my mom, who has been devoted to him for over 50 years! How do you accept that?!
MY WISH is that he can enjoy the Holidays pain free, with his family and loved ones...for him and for his family...WE NEED THIS FINAL TIME!!!
I'm so thankful to every single family member and friend who has reached out to me/us...you have no idea how much that support means to me! THESE are the people who are helping me with the "...wisdom to know the difference..."