I AM:
selfish
judgemental
opinionated
over bearing
snobby
critical
outspoken
emotional
a pushover (why??? because I am happy with whatever you want)
sassy
too eager
lazy
impatient
screamer
2-faced
...and I definitely can't seem to please everyone...I have managed to piss off more 'friends' than ever...but IF they are my REAL friend's...we found our way back...because every friendship...REAL friendship, has flaws...has been beaten UP, broken UP...we fight, and we speak UP...and if you can't handle it...you are gone.. for good. But those who see past it, we forgive, we MEND and make up... and we are even STRONGER than before!!! So, all of you reading this RIGHT now...you know, you were one of 'those' fights...and guess what, we made it thru...THAT is what I call...a reallllll friendship!!! Years prove it!
I am sure I can come up with more (flaws)...but these roll off my mind....and... I bet you can relate!? I am not perfect...I try to be there for everyone, all the time. But one thing I definitely am....is....forgiving. And, maybe that is more of a fault than it is anything else...:(
20 comments:
Maybe you ought to reevaluate your friends. Especially if they are mad at you about your recent post about your parents and your friends being divorced. You hit the nail on the head, the way marriages work is through forgiveness and honesty. Not through selfishness and lies. Maybe you hold people to too high a standard. Maybe people are mad at you because you hit home. Remember though some of those very same people you covered for, and rationalized for, and protected. Some of the people on the other side you shunned. Don't you ever apologize for stating your opinion. Maybe, just maybe you are right and they are wrong, and they will have to live with the consequences of their actions.
The hardest thing about long lasting friendship is change. We are all creatures of habit and when change comes around that effects certain things, some people can't handle that or do not know how to handle that.
Sometimes these changes are for the good or for the bad, but change is very painful nonetheless.
All of us have our own faults. Some are seen as attributes while others will see them as detriments. The bottom line is we are all our own person. We don't know the story or the whole factual situation that happens, so we learn to love those people for who they are and not despise them for who or what they are not. Not everyone is like me and I'm ok with that. I do not like them like me and they do not have to like what I like because that does not make them, them. That makes them fake and doing things to impress people that they do not need to impress. The only person that we need to be happy with is our self. Some people have a tendency to please everyone. We can't do that, we can only please ourselves for our own actions and lifestyle choices.
I read the apart about your parents being married for so long. For one, I think that is great that 2 people can get through the struggles of marriage and make it last that long. True loves and true soul mates. But it does take 2 people to make that marriage work. If only one works on it, they will get tired, exhausted and will start to resent the other person. Then you have an even uglier situation, especially when kids are involved. We have no idea what goes on behind those closed door, so many people put on an incredible front as to not lead on of the problems and struggles. But this can only last for so long before they start to lose them selves and their own self esteem. Once someone loses that, it will take years to recover if there is any recovery at all. The biggest problem is that most people are not willing to wait for that special person, that soul mate. We find ways to overlook certain faults because they fulfill other needs. That person is out there for everyone, all we need to do is be patient and they will find you. Sometimes in the craziest of ways, but they are out there.
I think the word friend is used very loosely in many cases. I have many people I know but my true friends I can count on 1 hand and still have fingers left over. When I have a problem with many friends or I feel like I am finding myself in situations that I do not belong in which causes conflicts with other friend, then it's time to re-evaluate myself and my own morals and ethics. Maybe it's time for me to stand up to these people up who choose to talk about other friends situations as if they were the headlines on the front paper. Somethings are to be left unsaid, and some things are to be shared. However, these things should not be shared at the expense of hurting someone. Sometimes we need to think a little more instead of always being so eager to jump on the train and join in with the criticizing, judging and bashing of these people we call our friends. I'll never fault anyone for the way they are, it's what makes them, well, them. If it makes me feel to out of place, I just avoid the situation. Nothing is more important than those close people in my life. Nothing is worth damaging those relationships by any means. Sure, as a friend I will tell them when I feel that they are wrong. But I refuse to talk about it to anyone but the person involved. Because then you will have a fish story, they tell two people and so on and so on and before you know it the wrong person knows and the wrong information gets back to the person who can cause the most damage. Unfortunately some people are so jealous that they will stop at nothing to sabotage other friendships.
I think the bottom line is we all need to take a long hard look in the mirror and see if WE are happy with what we see. Are we who we say we are or are we to fast to jump on that train. I cannot please everyone all of the time, but I can please myself all of the time when I stick to my values, morals and ethics. All I can do is love my friends for who they are and what they do. And I can love them a little bit more as they grow and learn to be better people for themselves and not for anyone else.
I agree that although change is not easy, it does make a difference. Divorce is HARD no doubt, but sometimes divorce does CHANGE who that person is...it changes their priorites and morals...they become a different person..'some' even lie and cheat. So no, I don't think everyone should adjust their friendship if the change makes that person (you thought you knew), a negative person to be around!
Wow, love all the comments and opinions...they are always welcome. Just wish people would sign their name to their post...if you truly believe in what you are saying, own up to it!
Sweetie, I don't think that will happen...good thought though :)
Forever your friend,
Tina
We should all go back and write our names here the mere coincidence of who they are had just be to funny! The fact that it's your blog, is just that. Definitely a place for you to voice YOUR opinion! Everyone deserves a place to vent, and this is yours. However it's unfortunate that so many of us adults care so much what others think. The truth is a hurtful thing sometimes, sadly. So they WILL Not do what they CAN do and sign their name..
It's ok...I was just curious whose opinion they were...not a big deal.
I do appreciate everyone's opinion, and again, this post was not to point the finger, and I'm sorry if offense was taken.
It take a strong person to not only realize thier faults but admit them. No one is perfect and the only person we have to truly answer to is the Lord when our time comes. Everyone has the right to have an opionin and a right to disagree with other opinins thats why we are all different. its a shame to lose 'friends' for those kids of difference but as said some arent true friends any way. I just hoped things would change as we get older but I see some people dont. Thats why you only need a few 'good' friends and the rest are just friends.
Thx, Steph...you are so right!!! I appreciate your feedback...:)
Why do you keep aplogizing? All you did was state your opinion on how divorce rates are up, and honoring how your parents celebrated 50 yrs...you don't see that often. I get that it takes 2 people to make a marriage work and 'some' fall out of love (or they fall in love with someone else)..what I gather from your post about your parents is that you are honoring how devoted they were to each other, and respected their vows, even in the hardest of times!!
I think whoever wrote the negative parts on this post are probably feeling guilty and they are trying to justify why they left their marriage...it makes them feel better!
So, get a backbone and stop apologizing! And NO-not signing my name because I think it will only make certain people upset..
I suggest you find that special someone before you marry someone else just to fulfill a need/needs. Because the person you marry may believe you are that special someone. You certainly don't just leave that person once your needs are met. Once married you should live up to your vows, it is not about always pleasing yourself at that point. No one ever said that once you get married you'll never face adversity again, nor are you guaranteed to be happy every day of your life. There is no such thing. It is about being present in a relationship. The most important person at that point becomes your spouse; not family, or friends.
Love is always patient and kind; it is never jealous, love is never boastful or conceited; it is never rude or selfish; it does not take offense, and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people’s sins but delights in the truth; it is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes. Love does not come to an end.
Bottom Line.
Marry for love not needs.
[inserting new backbone]...lol
...and I love the last person's post...about 'love is patient...'
THAT really nails it...thank you!
I'm only here to lurk and read a little bit every once in a while. And I've read some interesting things about this one post on the blog. I must say that I am a bit confused by some of the comments. So I'll tell my little story.
I'm 53 years old and married my husband just over 20 years ago. I wanted to wait for Mr. Right. We dated for 5 years before we decided to get married, I had to make sure. But it's amazing what that little piece of paper can do do someone over time. I lived a great life and had a great marriage for 4+ years. Then something happened. My husband became violent and was constantly screaming at me. It didn't matter who was around, he really let me have it. And for silly reasons. So I tried to talk to him about it, thinking it may be stress related from work. Trying to talk to him just made it 10 times worse.
It went from screaming to grabbing. The having things thrown at me until 1 day that brass candle holder found the back of my head. Oh sure, he apologized and said it would never happen again and that he would get the help that he needed. I didn't realize his help included drinking with his friends until all hours of the night. I tried to talk to him and even suggested that we talked to someone. I was starting to feel like a prisoner in my own home.
Then game the physical smacking. Nothing serious enough to worry about until I ended up back in the hospital after getting a concussion, two black eyes and a broken orbital socket. But this was my husband, I vowed to stick it out even through hard times and good times. I just didn't think that it would have ever come to this. Me a woman who has waited for Mr. right turned out to be so wrong. Now I must contemplate filing for divorce, but I was afraid to. So I left my home, with my 2 children and hid. I called the police and filed a restraining order and then filed for divorce. Not realizing that a copy would be sent to him with the address that put on the documents.
So today I sit here in my wheel chair trying to rationalize what I did wrong. After many years of counseling, therapy and medication, I realize that it was not me. I did everything that I was supposed to do, but he did nothing in return to make it work. After so many support groups I have found to realize that I was not alone.
Yes Marriage is sacred and should be honored by all involved. My only regret is that I did not do it sooner. I still may have had the use of my legs, but I will never know that because"I" lived by my vows.
I get very excited to see stories like this when couples can actually work together and make it for 50 or more years. And it also makes me happy when either party realizes that it will not get any better and have the courage to stand up and say no more.
Everyone has a right to be happy, but no-one deserves to be disrespected, dishonored, beaten, screamed at and not cherish. So I congratulate both end of the spectrum here. I should have listened to my heart when all of this was going on and not my family. And of course they now tell me the same thing.
Very Very sad. But life goes on and I have met a Man who loves me for who I am and what I am. And for once in a long long time, I am at peace with myself.
Don't stay married because you have kids or because of your vows or because people say that was your choice so deal with it. You stay married because the loves continues to grow and grow stronger everyday. If the love stops and the passion for that love stops and you know you have done everything in your power to make it come back, then it's time to move on to the next chapter of your life. Men, you'll find her, Lasses, you'll find him. Or like my case he just fell into my lap, literally. I have been re-married for a few years and I can only wish I would have met this man sooner. But things happen for a reason and God does truly work in mysterious ways and who are we to question "Him" about the way he works.
Mary Ann Richter
Mary Ann, thank you for sharing your story. My heart goes out to you for what you have endured. There are definitely certain situations that absolutely cannot be helped...yours being one of them. Any abuse, esp physical abuse, is one that I have zero tolerance for (along with cheating)..I applaud you for taking the steps to leave him (as many, MANY women do not out of fear)...I absolutely agree that some people get married for the wrong reasons...and those never last. You seem to be doing well now, and I'm glad you are in a better relationship.
Cheating on a spouse has to be one of the most selfish and hurtful things one can do. I do resent that men usually get the bad rap while the women cheating with them often get a pass. Every time a man commits adultery a woman is also, it's a mathmatical fact. And don't give me the B.S. that the women didn't know the guys were married, women are not that stupid.
Doug R.
I always thought I'd leave a marriage if my spouse cheated on me...until it happened to me! He seemed very sad and remorseful...we had 2 very young kids. I had to dig DEEP down and find a way to make this work--get over my fears of being cheated on again...so, we went to counselling.
I can honestly say it worked for me. I know that not everyone can say the same..some people just do not have that ability to let that go and trust again...cheating IS disrespectful and is the worst form of disrespect...but people make mistakes and if they truly are sorry, then I think it's worth fixing. Again, just my experience...maybe I AM THE PUSHOVER...but all I can say is we are happier than ever. Susan from NY
I appreciate the stories and opinions, but please try and keep the tone down...'Doug', I find your comment borderline hostile. I understand your point, just watch your tone or I will have to delete the comments...thx.
Wow--this particular blog entry has certainly received a lot of feedback! I'll put my two cents in and everyone can take it or leave it (just my own opinion).
First of all, Maureen I think you are an incredibly brave person to put all your perceived faults out there for everyone to see. We might all benefit from doing such a deep self evaluation every now and then. Kudos to you!
In regard to the divorce/fidelity stuff--I waited until I was almost 39 to get married and even waiting that long it's certainly not been all fun times and sunshine. It's true, a relationship that endures time takes a ton of hard work and there are certainly times where you want to strangle the other person (God knows I've wanted to!). I do think today a lot of people (both men and women) give up because it is such hard work, but I can't sit back and pass judgment because I'm not in their shoes. Everyone has their own limit of what they can take/deal with and ultimately they must live with their choices (no matter what choice they make).
Infidelity is not the way to go. If you're that unhappy in your relationship then you should deal with it one way or the other before moving to someone else. I appreciate Doug's comment, but I do think that the burden of infidelity falls on the married person--that person took vows, while the other individual did not. I'm not saying it makes it right, but there are many women (and men!) out there who have been lied to and led on by a married person who would like them to believe that they are in the process of divorcing, etc. I myself have learned the hard way that you can't believe it unless you see that divorce decree. And, quite frankly, it's not really a good idea for you to be the stepping stone or the transition person anyway--most times those relationships don't last. As a married person I would never cheat on my husband--if we were having such problems that I was thinking about someone else I'd deal with those problems first. He deserves that from me as does every partner.
Bottom line is that we all have our own ideas and opinions be they right, wrong or indifferent. One of the best things about friends are they accept those opinions as part of who you are.
Janet
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